@TakeItFromUsPR: Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: Son? "Yes dad?" If they ever put me on my death bed... I want you to... "Yes?" Tell those idiots to put me on a life bed instead wtf
@murrman5: You've taken 3 pregnancy tests this month. "What's your point" My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.
@showersthinker: Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right.
@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"