@PinkCamoTO: *through a mouthful of Nutella*
Oh, yeah, healfy eafing is sufer imfortant to me.
@MatCro: [Couples therapy]
WIFE: I hate the way he pronounces "food" like "feud".
THERAPIST: And you, sir?
ME: She's always in a bad mude.
@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes.
What I heard: Ma'am
@nPhelendriqal: I just wrote a check for 6 dollars, so I don't really wanna hear about your 'summer' house.
@1_swarthy_dude: Warning: objects in your rear may feel larger than they they appear.
@deardilettante: A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you.
So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.