@PinkCamoTO: *through a mouthful of Nutella*
Oh, yeah, healfy eafing is sufer imfortant to me.
@DanMentos: me: it smells like updog in here
me: what's updog
me: not much dog what's up with you lmao
therapist: I see
@AndyAsAdjective: 11YR OLD: dad, are we poor?
ME: we are rich in love…we are rich in laughter
11: so we're poor
@TheBoydP: I'm not saying I spend a lot of time in the restroom, I'm just saying if you walk into my stall you can be charged with home invasion...
@david8hughes: The movie 'Up' is utter bullshit. I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn't die.
@imteddybless: [cool person follows me]
me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here
me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?