@ddsmidt: Throw me to the wolves and they'll come back with cute names, little sweaters & an affinity for baby talk.
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@bellicosejason: A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot.
@ericsshadow: One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place.
@krishna_van: I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.