@walks_on_legs: Throwing burgers around furniture because I have a hunch that termites only eat wood because they have not tried anything tastier.
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@hiitsmolly: "I could probz bench press, like, five of you"-me talking to a cool squirrel I just met
@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear
@aveuaskew: Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.