@omgthatspunny: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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@Reverend_Scott: Apparently you can't make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don't waste your time.
@brendohare: My girlfriend does not want to split the gallon of milk I smuggled into the movie theater for us 😔
@curlycomedy: Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes.