@TheTweetOfGod: Time is money. Money talks. So time talks. But talk is cheap. So time is cheap. But time is money. So money is cheap. Which it's not.
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@ThisOneSayz: Auto correct changed "absence" to "absinthe" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA.
@shkeeber: Me: *applies temporary tattoos* Mom: Unicorn tats? Me: I'm in a gang. Mom: Ha! With who, Lisa Frank? Me: You just made a powerful enemy.
@EndhooS: "BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS" *Maniacal stare* "Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette" "AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"
@secondofhername: Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise.