@rohoxbaby: tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead
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@DaddyJew: Judge: order in the court, ORDER IN THE COURT Me on the witness stand:*lips pressed against the mic* 2 hot dogs and a milkshake, your honor
@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint.
@Naked_Superman: Mom: Sorry, I won't be able to come in today. My son's got stuck in the washing machine. Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he? Mom: 27