@JediGigi: To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: No matter what you do in life, I'll always be there for you. Wife: Stop making promises to the pig.
@_ElvishPresley_: *Beethoven & orchestra take stage* HECKLER: (chanting) Ode to Joy! Ode to Joy! Beethoven: –we're gonna play some new stuff HECKLER: boooo
@RegularFred: Pizza is like racism. America didn't invent it, but it's hard to find a country that does it better.