@NoogsCorner: To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones.
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@PonyMartini: Hell hath no fury like a toddler wants to "do it herself." Three hours later, I'm still waiting for her to get out of the car.
@HatfieldAnne: Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?
@Flykins: COP: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "It was way easier than solving a murder?"
@StinkyGr33n: I don't mean to brag, but I'm extremely talented with my lips and tongue. *Whistles The Andy Griffith Show theme song flawlessly*