@Brentweets: To err is human... To not know what err means is American.
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@Robert_Beau: HR: You know why you're here? Me: So we can be alone? HR: Your new nickname is a problem. Me: We all have them. HR: Yes, but Sperminator?
@animaldrumss: [overhears guy saying economy is bad] [later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad
@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!