@HatfieldAnne: To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheAlexNevil: Him: What's that, Girl? Timmy fell down the well? Lassie (sigh): Let's go over it again: 1 bark means I'm hungry; 2 means let me outside; 3
@MrGeorgeWallace: I run a gambling ring where we throw humidifiers and dehumidifiers into a pit and let 'em fight that shit out.
@OneFunnyMummy: Normal people driving by a construction site: wonder what they're building... Me: what a great place to bury a body!
@AndyAsAdjective: [morning] her: did you dream about me? me: that depends…are you a member of the Backstreet Boys? her: umm no me: then no