@jus4golf: To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn't tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@cray_at_home_ma: I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.
@Wine_Honey1: Be careful how much wine you drink, might end up vacuuming the driveway in your panties
@ruinedpicnic: me:(nervously) so I gotta fight one of these things? zookeeper: what? no me: I choose...the polar bear zookeeper: why would you choose that
@FuckabillyRex: That feeling when you kinda wanna end it all but you're already in bed and your hara kiri sword is all the way across the room.