@WilliamAder: To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't "like" themselves.
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@ClichedOut: "Opps" is my favorite typo because it suggests the thrill of a secret counterinsurgency.
@GriffonTaylonYo: Barista: Can I get a name? Me: Free [Later] Barista: I've got a caramel macchiato for Free *fights break out as I smile from the corner*
@david8hughes: If I'm found dead in the bathtub clutching a toaster, check for Pop-Tarts before jumping to conclusions.
@jimelliott5000: Hey everyone, my mom's following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks