@Mike_Bianchi: To save money, instead of going to the club, I just get drunk at home and yell "what?" into a mirror over and over.
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@Home_Halfway: The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful.
@butterwolf: I've noticed you keep tiny pictures of family members in your wallet. Nice, I didn't know you played. I'm looking to trade my Nana card.
@SteveSuckington: [Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* "How are you doing on Depends bud?"
@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !