@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"
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@joeldanger: When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.
@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
@Phlegmingway: I prefer science to religion, as the former doesn't seem to grow vengeful and jealous when refused attention.
@Kendragarden: Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.