@GodDammitDanny: To the guy who just followed me with "Conservative, God-loving, pro-life" in his bio... are you sure you want to do this?
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@VikeeysSecret: Aladdin's love for carpet rides must have saved Jasmine thousands of dollars in waxing fees and razors.
@hamspamtymaam: If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.
@TheBoydP: Judge: Your charge is burning down your neighbors house Me: Your Honor they hung baskets of plastic flowers on their porch! J: Not Guilty!
@TheTimmyToes: BARTENDER: the usual? ME: *nods* *bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*