@CourtneyBale: To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms
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@garrettbarry70: Imagine meeting the girl of your dreams and then finding out that she eats spaghetti with a knife.
@mrjohndarby: Father in law: How are you preparing for the future? Me: I buy Monopoly games in case one day Monopoly money becomes legal tender.
@cuckoo_cachu: Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA.
@AlanFelyk: Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day. Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*