@TheBoydP: To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon...
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@SortaBad: Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks
@CulturedRuffian: Could you play us a song? Cat Stevens: Maybe. *Sets guitar on table* Cat Stevens: *Maintains eye contact-slowly pushes guitar off table*
@UrFavAsianGuy: Sorry girls, I'm no Bruno Mars, I won't catch a grenade for you. In fact, if such situation ever happened, I'd use you as a human shield.
@ryaninco: North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention.