@lenadunham: To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@Dawn_M_: So embarrassing when you leave the bathroom and someone points out you have toilet paper stuck to your teeth.
@BarryVonAwesome: I don't consider it a good night out if it doesn't end up as a super villain's origin story
@sip_at_home_mom: I wrote: You'll always have a place in my heart. AC sent: You'll always have a place in my hearse. Now "staying friends" seems unlikely.