@lenadunham: To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing
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@trevso_electric: Posing with your cat to attract men is like posing with your cat to attract men,
@TequilaTears: How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
@TheToddWilliams: An entire cheerleader civilization was wiped out in the eruption at Pompompeii.
@markhoppus: DON'T TELL ME CAGE CAN'T BE THE ELEPHANT'S NAME BECAUSE THERE'S NO COMMA WHEN THERE'S NO COMMA IN FROSTY THE SNOWMAN!!!