@TheJamesH1: Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.
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@joejwest: [judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you
@KalvinMacleod: DATE: so this is my dad and this is his porcelain cat collection ME: wow, I feel like I’m in a DATE: no ME: mewseum DAD: *nods his approval*
@Marlebean: "They say children learn by example, even for potty training." -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn