@TheJamesH1: Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.
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@whatmaddness: INTERVIEWER: what's a skill you want to improve? ME: to realize when someone isn't talking to me JOE: uh...Excel
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@jonnysun: *sees a fly* ahhh *trying to swat fly* nooo *gives up* well if ur gona stay at least pay rent lol FLY: *hands me a tiny check* ME: wat the