@TheJamesH1: Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.
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@joshgondelman: Walked by a restaurant where they were using iPads for menus. How cheap are iPads now? More importantly, how expensive are menus?
@P_o_n_k: BRUNO MARS: I'd catch a grenade for ya ME: Thanks, but I'd probably still die. BRUNO MARS: Jump in front of a train for ya ME: Again...
@TheAlexNevil: Police Sketch Artist: How about now? Me: Look I already told you, the fruit bowl is nice for perspective, but I wasn't mugged by a naked guy