@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
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@DamienFahey: 13 Types of Regret You'll Experience After Clicking on a Link to an Article That Won't Live Up to its Exaggerated Headline
@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
@loribuckmajor: Ok you with pneumonia, go sit between the perfectly healthy lady and the guy with the blood shooting out of his leg and wait. -hospitals
@dixonshuman: It's like my cat doesn't realize my retirement plan involves him doing something interesting enough to be famous on the Internet.