@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
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@lisaxy424: You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.
@Sarcasticsapien: Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.
@michaelianblack: Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?