@WheelTod: Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.
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@InternetHippo: Health care reform is a tough sell politically. How do you campaign against health insurance companies, whom everyone loves
@johngaysee: If I were Luke Skywalker it would have taken me about six minutes to turn R2-D2 into a bong.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?
@SteussieErica: FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there.