@IamEnidColeslaw: today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING
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@El_nacho_Nigre: If someone catches you doing something inappropriate don't stop, just do it slowly while keeping eye contact.
@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.
@JermHimselfish: Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything's a birdhouse now
@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."