@IamEnidColeslaw: today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING
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@MikeDrucker: My mom still hasn’t used the roomba I bought her two years ago for Christmas because, quote, “I don’t want it to judge our house.”
@MissNaughty1801: My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you
@Proxic0n: Me: I'm a haredresser Person: oh cool what's it like cutting hair? Me: *dressing a bunny in a tuxedo* doing what?