@JimGaffigan: "Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day." - Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life.
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@MartaEffing: [1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?
@weinerdog4life: Sorry I ate your frisbee bro, I thought it was a tortilla, I like to eat tortillas I find at the park.
@donni: He was a man of peace...until they burned down his village. Now, the quest for vengeance has turned him into...A Man Of Burning Things Down