@Paige__xxx: Today, I’ve been cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze.
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@OCDelight21: If you love something, set it free. (Does not apply to ferrets.)* *I am no longer allowed on the subway.
@freypalm: Me, as a judge: OK we’ll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*
@Reverend_Scott: wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing giraffe? me measuring the ceiling: no idea.