@Paige__xxx: Today, I’ve been cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze.
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@SteveSuckington: I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him "not Tim"
@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
@michaeljhudson: *dog runs for president* *is asked race sensitive question "The thing is, I don't see color" *crowd goes wild*