@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.
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@Jinxy00: Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like BBs, rub one ball & everything moves.
@StarWarsProblms: Vader: I AM your father. Luke: Why are you telling me this now? Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day.
@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.