@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.
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@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.
@merrittkopas: him: what are u wearing me: I AM WREATHED IN VOID, AN EMPTINESS WHICH ADMITS NO LIGHT OR LIFE & SIGNALS THE END OF ALL THINGS him: thats hot
@writerPT: We've got people working on world peace, and I'm here wondering how I can swipe a piece of my patient's chocolate without her noticing.
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Dying people are drawn toward a bright light. Do you know what that proves? Me: Dying people are moths?