@Mitchoacan: Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun.
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@duplicitron: Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
@Marlebean: Did you know stuffing your bra with toilet paper works pretty well... except when it rains.
@ShutUpThatsWho: Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you? [cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident
@hazelmotes1: Frequently Asked Questions: 1) You did what? 3) How dare you? 53) Don't you know how numbering lists works?