@Mitchoacan: Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun.
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@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.
@Unkle_K: I hate that, you go to someone's wedding and they're asking "who invited you" my friend focus on your union and let me eat in peace
@WildeThingy: "I want to swim with an overweight, rich white guy before I die." - Dolphin bucket list.
@IamEnidColeslaw: who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes