@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.
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@OutOfLeftField_: I told someone my name and they said, "That's unusual. You don't hear that every day." Actually, I do.
@kelkulus: Adding "family" to words sucks out all the fun: Vacation? Family vacation. Car? Family car. Movie? Family movie. Affair? Family affair.
@Laddy42: I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don't have any kids...
@daemonic3: "Ok, what chemical symbol should we give this Gold?" *thief runs by, steals gold* "Hey! You!" Au, got it. Next element.