@LoveNLunchmeat: Told my husband the best way to get help at Home Depot is to wear yoga pants, but I dunno. It doesn't seem to work as well for him.
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@o__0Dev: I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task...
@TheCatWhisprer: Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something.
@ibid78: [sees a kid at the park doing the pee pee dance] "NO KID, WAIT- [it starts raining buckets of pee]
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.