@mjkspeaks: Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he’s excited because he thinks he’s going to be famous online.
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@dmc1138: While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I've quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!
@tastefactory: Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party
@Cpin42: Have you found them? "Not yet, sir.” THEY'RE MUTANT TURTLES THAT DO KARATE. HOW HARD COULD IT BE? "They wear tiny masks, sir.”
@caaataclysm: Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night.