@maughammom: Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.
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@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@deanna_ficco: Sex is the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.
@EmergencyQB: How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?