@maughammom: Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.
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@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
@Eightinchgoat: Worst things about mid 40's: 1. Catching a view of yourself naked in the mirror. 2. Crying too hard to complete this list.
@AnOrangeSNES: Dear Abby, I never thought this would happen to me. Today I met a sexy woman who told me I write letters to the wrong publication.
@WheelTod: If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen