@WilliamAder: Told my wife that Hooters is an owl rescue sanctuary where I'm doing important volunteer work.
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@therealeatwood: ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining? [A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]
@tsm560: My ex-girlfriend is getting divorced from my ex-best friend and I didn't think it was possible to be this happy.