@briangaar: "Tom Brady did nothing wrong" is Boston's "The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."
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@mynameisntdave: People who carry their dogs around, You know they can walk, right? Theyre real good at it. It's like one of the top known things about dogs
@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.
@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"
@ManJuggs: If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth.