@briangaar: "Tom Brady did nothing wrong" is Boston's "The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."
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@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...
@Tommytoughstuff: [Talking to a giant banana] "Is that a human being in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
@shanethevein: I'm not intimidated by a pretty woman. I'm intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]