@BBQJones28: Tomorrow I'm gonna chase someone...like really run after them..screaming and everything.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Tonight's parenting lesson: If a 2-year-old says, "I'm going to puke," FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF. I need a shower.
@AddledPixie: I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.
@tastefactory: BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail
@AristotlesNZ: 9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make.