@13spencer: Tonight's Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.
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@sofarrsogud: 4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there
@SufficientCharm: A woman isn't really heartbroken unless she does something drastic to her hair.
@yungsweater: Bro do you even-- Bro I do. *eyes begin to tear up* *fist bumping until the sun rises*
@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.