@13spencer: Tonight's Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.
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@aaronnemo: Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito.
@SJSchauer: One time a guy came up to me at a bar and said "do you like air conditioning" and I said "yea" and he said "me too." and he just walked away. I miss him everyday