@iMikosnyc: Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
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@jennyjaffe: "Tender and mild" is a great way to describe chicken and a TERRIBLE way to describe a holy infant.
@Kyle_Raney: "This won't end well, mark my words. Mark, my words. MARK. MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!" *Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*
@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant
@CerebralWreck: Wife [interrogating]: How long have we been married dear? Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.