@iMikosnyc: Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
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@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
@danagould: The secret to having all of your dreams come true is to keep changing your dreams to something that's just about to happen anyway.
@AIMMadellynne: The bouncer was kicking me out & I put up my finger for him 2 wait,while I chugged the rest of my drink.All he could say was: Are U serious?