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@PrinceGreenJr: *trains 1 million soldier ants*
*gets carried to work*
@Reverend_Scott: [first date]
HER: So, I hear you're a dog person-
ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU
@RowdyBowden: Raggedy Andy knew he was becoming a man when he noticed yarn where there wasn't yarn before.
@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"
@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer*
"sorry pal, this is a private country club"
[everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]
@KyleMcDowell86: [Elephant at a party] Nice piano!
[Elephant] What are the keys made of?
[Rhino appears behind me] Tell him Kyle