@CornOnTheGoblin: [travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over
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@jonnysun: BEYONCE: do u like my album JAY: [thinking to self] if anyone hears this i'll be ruined JAY: [out loud] we should make it a tidal exclusive
@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear
@TheRolo: She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle.
@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.