@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*
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@WhatevaConc: Before saying anything like "you have really soft hands for a man", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man.
@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.
@causticbob: My wife said "You only love me because my father left me a million pounds." "That's not true, I'd still love you whoever left it to you"
@Staggfilms: Shut up and put on your matching Adidas track suit so everyone at Costco knows we're a couple. Don't make this weird.