@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*
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@natalayhehoo: It's all fun and games until you accidently grab the hand sanitizer instead of the lube.
@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion
@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die