@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
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@joeldanger: Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot. Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look. H: ...
@OneFunnyMummy: My kids have enough energy to run 10,000 laps around the house but get tired walking around the block. I call bullshit.
@robfee: The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls
@ericsshadow: Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a "who wants to sleep on the couch" contest.