@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@13spencer: I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero.