@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
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@MatCro: [presentation] GUY WITH A COMBOVER NAMED IAN: So that's our plan for the next year. Any questions? ME: Why did you call your combover Ian?
@Amburglar_: I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.
@TheTobbie: Is it racist that I've been talking to this one white chick on my street for months now & just realized she's actually 5 white chicks?...