@squirrel74wkgn: Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong.
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@batkaren: Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember-- oh wait no that's a Cheeto.
@jeffreyvanclea1: I just want 5 minutes alone with the person who thought it was a good idea to put little plastic stickers on every piece of fruit
@flashember: ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*