@Donna_McCoy: *tries to quietly check the football score during a home invasion
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@Reverend_Scott: Cops: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Me: I can't, my dog fell asleep on my lap. Cops: AWWWW. OK WE'LL COME BACK LATER.
@Cheeseboy22: If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
@HeyJennyConway: My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.