@KevinFarzad: *tries to quietly eat carrot sticks during your funeral*
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@bobvulfov: APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane
@CuddleYourCat: If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days.
@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."