@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
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@nerdreign: Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It's like God doesn't trust us to write our own jokes.
@KKAlThani: If "Bieber fever" is when a Bieber song comes on the radio & you start throwing up & stabbing yourself, then yes I had Bieber fever once.
@Tups13: I stare at the cats. "And in space, if you knock something slowly off the table, it just gently floats away." They look at me in horror.
@BillArrundale: Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops.