@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
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@KeetPotato: magician: "think of a letter, any letter" me: "ok" magician: "now double it" me: [visibly confused]
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Are these your kids? Boss: "Yep" They're gorgeous! "Thanks" Step kids? "Nope" Adopted? "No.." .. ".." She's cheating on you.. "Get out"
@TribalSpaceCat: Me: Do you have any wrongdog? "Ugh fine what's wrongdog" Me: thank you so much for asking I'm doing terrible
@TheToddWilliams: [job interview] Boss: What qualifies you to be a ninja? Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That’s pr--*thump*