@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
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@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.
@KalvinMacleod: I’m so hungry I could eat a hor— *horse walks by snorting aggressively* ticulturalist *horticulturalist pops up trimming hedge aggressively*