@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee
@krisv_723: <At Duel> "Draw your weapon" Me: *frantically trying to sketch a bear with gun legs & a shark head.
@lisaxy424: No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
@jrza84: Tried new pain medication, and an hour later 3 penguins in military fatigues walked into the room and told me I need to kill Mussolini's cat