@CleverGirl85: Trolling my FB friends by commenting "Looking good ;)" on solo pics of their husbands
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@AristotlesNZ: FB friend's boy in a baseball uniform pic: "Our little pitcher" Me: "He looks more like a catcher" Nobody got it. So I'm back here..
@abhorrent_wife: I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn't remember the term "all caps".
@XplodingUnicorn: Maybe there is no baby I'm starting to suspect my wife's been stuffing her shirt with an increasingly large series of hams Now I'm hungry.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can we go get ice cream? Me: It's freezing outside. 4: I know. It won’t melt.