@nsterdan: True embarrassment lies within your first email address
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@HireMeImFunny: Rededicate Christopher Columbus statues to the Chris Columbus who directed Mrs. Doubtfire
@Try2StopME: Interviewer: "So why should we hire you?" Me: "Cause I need a job very badly." Interviewer: "So?" Me: "And you have a vacancy. BINGO"
@ThatEggChick: I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.