@nsterdan: True embarrassment lies within your first email address
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@angeliav68: Truthfully officer, I wouldn't have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving..
@rickolantern: [courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]
@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."