@LostCatDog: Trump is the perfect candidate for American guys who secretly believe they could come out of the stands and score a touchdown
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@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
@jjhartinger: I don't really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense. Like a Bear at mile 3.
@RainbowJohnJ: *addresses the elephant in the room* *puts a stamp on the elephant in the room* "My pen pal is gonna love this."
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.