@LostCatDog: Trump is the perfect candidate for American guys who secretly believe they could come out of the stands and score a touchdown
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@JohnLyonTweets: Hot coffee: Perfect! Iced coffee: Delicious! Room-temperature coffee: The most disgusting liquid on earth.
@Dutch_50: Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Actually, Sleeping Beauty is the name of the movie. You mean your favorite Disney princess is Aurora. Though I’m not sure how she can be your favorite if you don’t even know her name. Woman at Starbucks ahead of me: Please stop correcting my daughter. She’s 5.