@UNTRESOR: Trump wants to ban Muslims but if we learned anything from Prohibition it's that people will just make Muslims in their bathtubs.
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@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
@KeetPotato: [in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: "they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there" god: [rubbing his neck] "see the thing is"
@bransonreese: Hate it when a grand piano falls on me and my head pops out of the wreckage and the keys are my teeth. The experience is simply not for me.
@eedrk: you remember me as the guy who put his arm in the doorway to hold open the automatic door for you in 2009. welll, now i need a favor