@trevso_electric: Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes.
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@RtrJan: My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk.
@YoungNobler: New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background.
@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.
@better_off_dad: God: I made the sky a canvas, the sun & the clouds an ever changing painting of colorful beauty. Devil: I made potato chips.