@trevso_electric: Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes.
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@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
@brennadine: [Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM "No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."
@stephenjmolloy: God: But if you use your sting you will die. Bee: That will teach us not to abuse our power. How did the wasps take that news? God: Err...