@truegritrumble: *trying to awkwardly start a conversation with my barber* I ALSO like scissors.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@inojperez: [Family Dinner] Me: Grandma, please pass the updog. Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose* Grandma: What's updog? Me: Not much, how about you?
@kyle_thatisall: Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
@ericsshadow: If she calls me lazy again, I swear I'll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.