@truegritrumble: *trying to awkwardly start a conversation with my barber* I ALSO like scissors.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@maisonwithapen: [mom knocks on my bedroom door] HER: are you modest? ME: well I'm no big shot but my jokes do ok on Twitter HER: ok I'm coming in
@LackOfShame: Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably
@iAmDelFreaky: You'd be surprised how many strangers will let you hug them when you approach with open arms & a big smile. None. I've been stabbed 3 times